CAT#: ULY036
ARTIST: Various Artists
TITLE: Return of the 5,000lbs Toe
DATE: 02/14/2025
FORMAT: Cassette
PRICE: $15

Volume Five. The first foot of our Toejazz series is complete. This one’s from the heart. This one’s for the lovers. But it’s also a valentine to our haters. Putting this whole foot so far up their asses they have to use toenail clippers to brush their teeth. All performed with a boundless Love.

Around the release of his film Lost Highway, the recently late David Lynch said jazz is the closest thing to insanity that music offers. In the movie, Bill Paxton’s protagonist plays saxophone in a sort of rockabilly hard-bop quartet under epileptikal strobes. Through this, we’re supposed to feel just how close he is to the brink of insanity and to the capacity for ultraviolence. Well sorry to report the jazz is pretty tame. When we hold it up next to the growling Robotrip-Hop of Terrance’s “5 Beta Throw Down” or to the schizoid, midilife crisis of Steve Lance from our latest Toejazz compilation, the “deranged” jazz in Lost Highway sounds like “Breezin.” Like the jazz that plays as Steve Martin walks out to host SNL. Now “5 Beta Throw Down” is the kind of music you listen to as you carve your wife in half! Or what you listen to while your head grotesquely transmorphs into some other thing’s head. That said, Lost Highway is somehow still without a doubt a Pillar of Toejazz.

Return of the 5,000 lbs Toe is what happens when the strobe light sends Bill Pullman into a grand mal seizure. Dude swallows the mouthpiece, kicks his highball over onto the electronics and sparks go a-flying. His final deathrattles wheezing through the lodged mouthpiece in inchoate zizzings and brrrrbbbings. His last ever sax solo like corroded contact mics on a 2 liter of Diet Coke as you drop a sleeve of Mentos down the hatch. It’s about the notes he’ll never play. Hot damn we’re having too much fun. How are we gonna stop at just 10 of these suckers!?!?! The next foot just might have to have an extra toe ;)