CAT#: ULY020
ARTIST: Various Artists
TITLE: Toejazz for Debby
DATE: 07/28/2023
FORMAT: Cassette
PRICE: $15

And so now, a digi-kazoo wind gusts across the pixelated green canopy of Toejazz Jungle. It curlz around your sinewy alien body and whips your stupid beanie propellor into a cartoonish whirr, sending you up and over Toejazz Falls into a new hidden level. It’s an infinite florid boudoir. A Black Lodge of sorts — an endless curtained labyrinth with dark mirrored floors. Brushing against the velvet curtains in the endless open world, your character develops chicken skin, THO and a bit of a chub. You’ve got its nervous system synched with yours via the glowing orb gaming console. The controller is unresponsive. Your avatar seems hypnotized. The soundtrack is the serpentine, Afro-Cuban fanfare of Bobby Richman’s “Yessy”. And you’re half expecting Helen Folasade Adu to begin cooing a torch song. But it’s too wily, too twitchy. Something’s amiss here. Something’s lascivious. "Mrs. Ulyssa, you’re trying to seduce me. Aren’t you?" By the time the words pass through your lips it’s already too late for you. You’re sinking into the black glass floor like a silk molasses quicksand — down down down into a slow, gelatin-filled underwater level, breast stroking through the translucent slime toward some Final Boss. This is DEBBY, a 21-teated Cthulhu toejazz goddess, who you just know ‘bout to devour your little butt into her magnificent jellyfish vagina dentata. "Perhaps this is… also a portal??" you think before the screen deepens into a full bleed reverberating lavender nothingness. Far from the final level, Toejazz for Debby is but another gummywormhole in the Toejazz Multiverse.